The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
