I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
