i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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