why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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