Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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