I cockslap morals
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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