I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize