Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
