I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize