you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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