Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
