They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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