Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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