She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
