She announced her abortion via fbk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
