If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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