Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
