i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
