Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
