Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
did you just send me my own nude
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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