somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
