I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
