It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
