i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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