One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
