Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
