dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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