I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
