Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
