So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's always time for handjobs
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
