the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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