I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
