He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
