If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
