i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize