and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
