they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
