His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
