You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
His nipple licking is glorious
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
