Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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