It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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