note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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