i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
