There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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