yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he was CRYING into my vagina
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize