K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
