Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
