I want to have your abortion
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
