i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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