i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
