pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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