so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize