Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
