You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
