one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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