Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
