my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
