whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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