It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
