Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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