so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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