My pussy is not your playground.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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