Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
