At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
