your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she looked like the before picture.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
