Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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