Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
