He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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