im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Even my vagina gasped.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
