i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
